Wondering how to get over the awkwardness of a first date, truly enjoy yourself, avoid getting ghosted, and actually get that second date? First date tips for men may come at you from all directions, but here are some compiled just for guys who want to put their best foot forward and find something meaningful enough to warrant further interest of your date.
Good first dates are a quest. If you frolic through the superficial meadows with your date, you will get through it without too many hiccups, but you will be missing out on so much more that you could be experiencing.
Finding deep connection with another person is the most important thing you can do, even on a first date. That being said, there are also a few subtle mistakes and things to avoid saying that are ruining your ability to have that connection with the stranger of your dreams. Here are some genuine first date tips for men about what to say and what to avoid saying at all cost:
1.SAY: Speak with your Visuals
No, not your natural physical appearance. We mean to say that the visual signals you’re giving speak louder than even your words do. A handsome face and build can only get you so far if you don’t have the ability to encase them in the right clothes and pair them with excellent grooming. In the same fashion, average looks are enhanced a hundred fold by attractive mannerisms, the right clothes and styling, and a tantalizing smile. When you look up first date tips for men, the internet will undoubtedly advise you to keep yourself well-groomed and dress well. Why is that? Is it because you are trying to show your date that you are putting in effort to impress them?
The secret is that it actually goes even deeper than that. Having dark circles, ashy and tired-looking skin, oil-slicked acne, and premature wrinkles make you look unhealthy and therefore show that you are not reliable as a mate, which can affect her attraction to you even subconsciously. Skincare, including working to get clearer skin and staying moisturized shows your date that you are organized and care for your health. Looking more alive and energetic can only serve you well.
This is not to say the surface level looks is what makes or breaks attraction. In fact, it is precisely the opposite: by presenting outward clues of your personality, values, and artistic style of grooming, you are leaving your date clues about who you are and what you offer on the inside and in the long run. First impressions can mean a lot. Say what you want to say with not only your words, but also how you present yourself in mannerisms.
2. DON’T: Be Too Simple
Don’t give one word answers or she might fall asleep. It is great to show you care about her and what she has to say, but she might turn to focusing on only herself if the only words that come out of your mouth are questions about her.
When she asks about your hobbies, for goodness sakes don’t just answer that they are sleeping and working out! If those really are your hobbies, there’s no problem with that, of course, but put some art into how you speak about it. Give some specifics about how sleep allows you the escapism and freedom of dreamworld and describe what you think about to help you fall asleep. Maybe share a funny dream you had. If you love working out, tell her about your favorite weight-lifting machines or your favorite things you pass by while jogging. The key is to spark a memory or an emotion that will allow you have a connection even if you are not starting from the same surface-level identical hobby as your date.
3.SAY: Something that Sparks Curiosity
You need something fun and interesting to share that will help her think of you whenever she sees that thing. One of the best first date tips for men that you’ll find are the ones that help you to start a good conversation and keep it going. As the conversation goes, you need to create some inside jokes with her or get her to think of your favorite things often. Your favorite song, a food you love, or anything small that is unique to you is important to share on a first day together so that she can’t help but think of you all week long. That will get her to the point of texting you first instead of you having to always initiate texting and she’ll be more susceptible to being asked out again.
4.DON’T: Anything Faked
Another one of the most invaluable first date tips for men is to never ever say anything that feels false just to get her to like you or lie about your intentions in the relationship. If you want to take things unusually fast or slow and are honest about it, pay attention to her wants and needs as well. Insisting on something your date clearly says no to is a sure way to get ghosted even if you feel you’re being polite in your repeated propositions
Another common mistake is trying too hard to be perfect, reliable, and agreeable to the point where will start to feel like she’s not seeing the real you. This kind of attempt to act like the perfect stable man who is void of hardships and emotion and his own opinions can lead to a feeling of imposter syndrome if the relationship does progress.
Being the “yes” man 100% of the time can actually be a turn off because you might come across as boring, forgettable, or fake. Looks, height, money, and a good listener may be the top things that get girls’ attention, but what will make her remember you? If you pretend to be perfect and are trying very hard to humble brag (or straight up shamelessly brag) about your money, how much you go to the gym, or how many girls throw themselves at you, it might come across as rude. If you speak about your hobbies and try to relax enough to be genuine, she’ll think you’re amazing naturally rather than seeing you trying too hard.
5. SAY: Your Real Opinion
Even when you disagree with her, be honest. Talk about things you feel strongly about (except please avoid politics…) and don’t discount the relationship if you don’t happen to agree with her on simple things. If she admits to loving something you hate, make it into a joke and disagree with her in a friendly way. As long as you two are engaging in lighthearted banter and it’s something you can discuss to get to know each other better, it’s okay to disagree.
If it really is a value you feel strongly about, then it’s actually good to find out you have a fundamental difference early on and can mutually avoid starting the relationship. It’s very important to be yourself and be open when talking to someone, which may seem like a 101 of first date tips for men, but is actually something overlooked and is a common mistake.
If she doesn’t like you for you, then it wasn’t meant to be.
6. DON’T: Basic Compliments
One of the most important things on common lists of first date tips for men is the simple act of giving a compliment towards your date to let her know you like her. But the right compliment can be really tricky to pull off to sound genuine and to not make her roll her eyes at how planned it sounds. Generic comments of “you’re pretty” are flattering, but don’t make her like you and can be overwhelming to respond to. Cheesy or goofy flattery and pickup lines used as a joke are actually cute to some girls, but make sure it’s something special about her that inspired you, not something you pre-planned or something that could apply to any girl.
Humorous compliments that have a genuine aspect and a funny aspect are a great trick to make her feel happy and laugh simultaneously. The thing to be careful with is to never sound sarcastic or say an insult in a ‘joking’ way because she’ll probably get offended and you’ll find yourself trying to jokingly say the opposite and then she’ll be feel mocked. You want to come across as lighthearted and, more than anything, trustworthy and genuine.
7. SAY: Personalized Flattery
Another way to exude trustworthiness and show sincerity is to put effort into your flattery. When you give compliments, let them be subtle: color matching in her outfit that day or something specific about her that others might not have thought of are a good way to show you like her. If you like something unique to her, she will feel like you really see her for who she is and adore that. Girls like to hear that you like something about their personality or how their brain works, not just their natural appearance.
8. DON’T: Interrupt
Don’t cut her off or change to a different subject out of the blue. Find a connection and continue from that idea. If you do have something that comes to mind that is off topic of the current conversation and you really want to share it, apologize, tell her what that idea was, and then remember to go back to what she was saying to show you cared about that topic you strayed from and were indeed listening.
9. SAY: When You Understand
When you find something in common, affirm. It’s how you do it that matters. Surprisingly, similar hobbies and similar lives on the surface don’t make for the best relationships, neither do dead opposites. It is actually the underlying values and your emotional responses to the small things she tells you about that make her fall for you. Listening skills are the top of the list when it comes to first date tips for men, but it’s not just the memorization of what she says that matters. Listening well doesn’t mean being totally silent and fearing talking about yourself. When listening, it is important to connect things in your life to things in her life because she wants to get to know your similarities.
The takeaway from these first date tips for men who are looking for a second date is surprisingly simple. When you meet someone new, it is vital that you dig deeper to learn more. Despite the vulnerability and bravery required of such a quest as starting a new relationship, the result will light up your life with all the colors that have been lacking.
Katerina Tsatsomeros, PR manager